Zero tolerance

I sit down at the table and notice at once that there is nobody from my tribe near me. "Oh boy, this could be a long night", I think. "Whatever you do don't be horrible to the expatriates."

People sit there in their nice clothes, laughing, talking, looking as though they're at ease with the world. An attractive blond woman in a dress sits next to me. The shape of her face seems Scandinavian, in an Asterix-In-Norway kind of way. "Hullo", she says. "Anybody in this seat?"

"No", I say. "All yours." She puts her handbag by her knees. "You're looking smart", I say. "Where have you come from?"

"The EU function, Zero Tolerance to Homophobia."

"Ah yes, I received some emails about that."

"You did? I didn't see you there. How come you didn't make it?"

I think for a moment about whether to be honest. I want to say something that will make conversation easier rather than harder. But for some reason my brain won't allow it tonight. "I'd never go to an event with a title like that", I respond.

"Why not? Are you homophobic?"

"I find the title of the event absurd, and sinister."

"What could possibly be sinister about an event like that?"

"The event is about intolerance to intolerance. What that implies is that the EU doesn't mind intolerance, just so long as it is intolerance that it approves of. It reminds me of that moron totalitarian Herbert Marcuse's belief in "liberating tolerance", tolerance for things you agree with, intolerance for everything you don't. It's Orwellian double-speak, double-think."

"Oh come on!" she says, "you're reading too much into it!"

"And", I continue. "Homophobia isn't an action, it's a feeling; a thought. An event like that is essentially an acceptance of the idea of thought crime. And in Zimbabwe, in fact, it's not illegal to have homosexual thoughts, only to engage in homosexual acts. Zanu PF, savage and barbaric as it is, understands the difference between thoughts and actions, which is more than can be said for the EU, much of the time."

"Oh my goodness, you're being completely ridiculous!" she says. "Do you yourself have any problem with gay people?"

"What gay people do is none of my business. On that particular issue I'm libertarian."

"So what's the problem?"

"I've just stated it. Had the event been slated as "equal rights for gay people" rather than "let's show our Intolerance of thought crimes", then I might have considered attending."

"In any case", she says. "People mean homophobic actions when they talk about homophobia, not thoughts, so much."

"Well it's lazy language, then, to conflate a thought and an action until they become indistinguishable. Again, something I find a bit sinister. But you're right, it's common to hear homophobia being used to refer to actions, even though the definition of it concerns a feeling."

There is a brief moment of silence. I want to say so much more. I want to point out that the only reason the authorities allowed the event to happen was because they knew it was no threat. I want to tell her that if they had genuinely felt it was a threat, it would never have been allowed to happen. The fact that the event did happen, then, is proof that it had absolutely no impact on anything, accept, perhaps on the sense of virtue of those who attended it.

I decide against saying more. She breaks the silence. "Excuse me. I'm just going to talk to Katie, over there, haven't seen her in ages. Nice to chat."

"Bye. Nice to chat."